74 Funny One-Liners: How to Say Thank You in a Funny Way

By Billie •  Updated: 02/06/20 •  7 min read

How do you say thank you in a funny way? Take some inspiration from this collection of funny thank you one-liners, puns, and head-scratchers for the next thank you text or card you send to an unsuspecting giver.

I feel a very unusual sensation — if it is not indigestion, I think it must be Gratitude.

Benjamin Disraeli

Funny & Sarcastic Ways to Say Thank You

funny thank you card
  1. I don’t understand people who say, “I don’t know how to thank you!” Like they’ve never heard of money.
  2. Thank you for being my unpaid therapist.
  3. I’m doing the happy dance. Thank you!
  4. Today I am wearing the smile that you left me with the other day.
  5. You made me smile from ear to ear.
  6. Just a generic thank-you card to prove I have excellent manners.
  7. If I had a cent for every time I appreciate you, I’d be a millionaire.
  8. Happy birthday! Thank you for continuing the tradition of being older than me.
  9. Thanks for nothing and everything.
  10. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying, “Boy, that was fun!”
  11. I’ll get you next time.
  12. Many thanks to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday yesterday! The rest of you are dead to me.
  13. Don’t think you’re the only one who knows how to give.
  14. Thank you for still being my friend, despite being aware of every raunchy, unflattering, explicit detail of my life.
  15. Thanks for not getting me a lump of coal. (Funny ways to say “Thanks for the Happy Birthday Wish”)
  16. Not sure if I should send a thank-you email, or not bother you with another email.
  17. I truly appreciate you from from my head to my toes.
  18. This isn’t a thank-you card, it’s a hug with a fold in it.
  19. I would floss a tiger’s teeth, that’s how much I appreciate you.
  20. Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes! If I had a dollar for each, I’d be rich! (Seriously, let’s put that plan in motion for next year)
  21. I would say you’re the greatest, but you already think I’m the greatest. Thanks!
  22. Thanks for hiring me. Hope you don’t regret it.
  23. How about I repay you by inviting you to go do my favorite thing: [insert thing you like to do that and they hate to do]. Just kidding! Thank you!
  24. I would like to thank my speech writers, copy & paste.
  25. You are a role model and a friend. I could never fill your shoes, but am continually inspired by your feats [Oooohhh, so witty] and beautiful spirit.
  26. Grassy ass!
  27. Thank you berry much!
  28. Thank you beer-y much!
  29. I’m not getting you a holiday present because I know you don’t like writing thank-you notes.
  30. Thanks a bunches of oats!
  31. Thanks shallot.
  32. Mom — thank you for teaching me how to use the big potty. That has proven to be a valuable life skill.
  33. Like cheese, I’m truly grate-ful for all that you do.
  34. Thanks pho everything. (More food thanks)
  35. Thanks a hole punch. (More employee appreciation)
  36. The way I show appreciation is by not saying it at all. Silence!
  37. Your generosity is only exceeded by your good looks.
  38. I know you hate saying “you’re welcome,” so I’ll do you the favor and not say thank you, but I am feeling it on the inside.
  39. Thanks for pretending to be my lesbian lover when gross guys try to chat us up on a night out.
  40. I have nothing funny to say, but thank you.
  41. Thanks for putting up with my shit.
  42. If I knew how to say thank you, I would.
  43. Grateful AF.
  44. You’re more thoughtful than my mother.
  45. If you really want your friends to remember you, give them something cheap. So, thank you!
  46. Friends like you are not easy to find. (For a friend named Waldo)
  47. Friendship is like peeing on yourself — everyone else can see it, but only you get to enjoy the warm feelings it brings.
  48. I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
  49. You make me want to say thank you in other languages, and I can barely speak English.
  50. Thank you for always being older than me.
  51. You’re the kind of friend I text when I’m pooping.
  52. If you could read my mind, then you’d know how grateful I am for you at this very moment. Creep.
  53. “Thanks for the help, I couldn’t have done it without you… or maybe I could have, but it would have taken me twice as long and been half as fun.”
  54. I’m not sure what I did to deserve your help, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep doing it.
  55. Thanks for the assistance, I think we make a great team. I bring the brains and you bring the good looks.
  56. Thanks for the lift, I couldn’t have gotten home without you… and trust me, no one else wanted me to try.
  57. I’m not sure what I would do without you… probably make a lot more mistakes, that’s for sure.
  58. Thanks for the help, you’re a lifesaver. Or at least a task-saver.
  59. I don’t know how to thank you enough for your help. I guess I’ll just have to keep thanking you until I get it right.
  60. Thanks for the assist, I couldn’t have done it without you… or at least not as efficiently.
  61. I’m not sure what I did to deserve your help, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep doing it until I do it again.
  62. Thanks for the support, you’re a true friend. And also the only person who didn’t laugh when I asked for help.
  63. I don’t know how to thank you enough for your help, so I’ll just have to keep thanking you until the universe balances itself out.
  64. Thanks for the help, I couldn’t have done it without you… or at least not without pulling out half my hair.
  65. I was going to buy you a present, but I figured a ‘thank you’ would suffice.
  66. I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my sarcastic heart.
  67. I owe you big time, but unfortunately, I’m broke. So, thank you, and please accept this virtual high-five.
  68. I’m not saying you’re my favorite person, but if I had to pick a favorite, it would probably be you. Thank you for being awesome.
  69. I’m grateful for your help, but let’s be honest, you’re just trying to earn some good karma points.”
  70. “Thanks a latte! Sorry, I couldn’t resist the pun.
  71. Your kindness knows no bounds. It’s almost like you’re a superhero, but with less spandex and more coffee.
  72. I’m not sure how to repay you, so how about we just call it even and you owe me one?
  73. Thank you for being the wind beneath my wings, or at least the fan that keeps me cool on a hot day.
  74. You’re the cheese to my macaroni, the peanut butter to my jelly, and the reason I’m not losing my mind at work. Thank you!
thank you noir funny card


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I like to climb mountains, read Nietzsche, and explore the West Coast. I have a BA from York University (2003) in Toronto, Canada, and yet on this site I sometimes spell like an American (know your audience). Thank you. Thank you very much.

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